DK Episode 27 - July 24, 2020 - Duration: 19:04
The true story of Gary and his psycho bipolar girlfriend Melinda. Drawk Kwast explains their ridiculous disaster of a relationship with evolutionary psychology.
0:00:00.0 Drawk Kwast: Self-sabotage, names changed to protect the foolish and insane, Part One: The Emotional Roller Coaster. Gary is his own worst enemy. I would sit in amazement day after day as I watched him wage wars on himself. Sure, sometimes he'd be yelling at his girlfriend or the person at work who he felt didn't show him enough respect, but for the most part, he wasn't fighting them so much as he was simply just compelled to continuously create drama in his own life. Why did he do this? The first place I lived in Las Vegas was a huge 10,000 square foot mansion. The guy who owned the mansion had a son who lived there for free and that son rented out the rooms to make money. That's where I met Gary. We were both renting rooms there.
0:01:02.0 DK: One day, Gary and his girlfriend Melinda had a big fight and I had a front-row seat to the action. It was the exact script you hear on daytime TV talk shows. Melinda is on medication for being bipolar. She skips out on taking her meds, goes crazy, and the next thing you know, they're fighting. She physically attacks him, he pushes her a little too hard, she falls, one of her girlfriends calls the police, and next thing you know, Gary is in handcuffs. The punchline to this joke is when she later says, "But I love him," and this would turn out to be a reoccurring theme for them. Now, you would think that Gary would eventually wise up, get a restraining order, and find a normal girl, but no, he never did. He moves out of the mansion, gets an apartment, and gives her the keys.
0:02:06.0 DK: They continue to fight, get violent, and call the police, and every time, within 24 hours of the police leaving, he would tell me that his apartment is just so quiet without her and he misses her. He's nuts! He would rather have a clinically crazy girl nagging him and occasionally attacking him than a quiet apartment. I'm sure you know people who behave like this. Maybe they habitually use drugs to get as high as the moon and then complain about the hangover after. Maybe they're in a bad relationship like Gary and Melinda. Maybe even you have something repetitive that you do that takes you through emotional highs and lows for no logical reason. It's time for you to finally understand what's built into every human that compels us to behave this way.
0:03:02.0 DK: Everything I teach is rooted in the science of evolution. If you want to understand why people behave the way they do, evolutionary psychology will give you the answer. Your brain and how it functions is the product of evolution. Evolution is a slow process. The software that's running in your head is about 40,000 years out-of-date, so you're living in today's world but your head is wired for the world of 40,000 years ago. This mismatch is the No. 1 cause of all the bad decisions that people make today. Forty-thousand years ago, life was harsh. If you were alive back then, all you thought about was hunting and gathering food, trying not to become the dinner for some other animal, and if you were lucky, reproduce before dying at a very young age. Life was very stressful.
0:04:02.0 DK: It was programmed into you that survival and huge emotional swings went hand-in-hand. The reason we developed this over 40,000 years ago was because it was an advantage to us back then. Your ancestors craved situations like this because it was to their benefit. There were two options back then. Option one, cower in the back of a cave, too scared to leave to gather food or hunt. They sit there until they get so weak that they either just die or the first fierce animal that finds them has no problem making dinner out of them. This group dies out quickly. Option two, be a prehistoric adrenaline junkie. They leave the safety of their cave and risk death as they hunt and fight off animals that are hunting them.
0:05:00.0 DK: As they participate in these feats of bravery and stupidity, they find women willing to mate with them, some of whom already have mates who may try to kill them for stealing their women. The bottom line is that this is a game they inevitably lose, but before they do, they will survive long enough to have children. These children are your ancestors. We're all the descendants of prehistoric adrenaline junkies because they were the ones who survived long enough to reproduce. Our brains are wired for desiring huge emotional swings because 40,000 years ago, it increased our chances of survival and replication. As life changed for us over the years and got easier, we came up with new ways to satisfy that evolutionary need for highly charged emotional swings.
0:06:00.0 DK: We replaced hunting tribes with sports teams. We replaced quests for conquest with movies. We replaced intertribal rivalry with daytime TV soap operas. Hell, we even invented the roller coaster. Our brains are wired for this shit, that's why we create it. So, where does this leave us? Are we doomed to create useless drama in our lives to satisfy some outdated evolutionary need? Thankfully, no. We can use the logical part of our brains to actually use this to our advantage. So, how do we do this? The first step is to understand why this exists in you, and now you know that answer. The second step is to choose the emotional roller coaster you're going to ride wisely.
0:07:02.0 DK: Stop watching TV habitually, stop drinking and doing drugs habitually, and if Gary happens to watch this, stop getting relationships with women who are clinically insane as a matter of habit. Like our ancestors, get your fix of emotional highs and lows from things that make your life better via participation. One hour of strenuous exercise a day will do the trick. Go to the gym. Trust me, when those endorphins start to kick in, once you make a habit of working out every day, you'll feel great after your workout. As a side note, you'll hurt like hell from pushing it and that will provide you the emotional lows.
0:07:57.0 DK: If this isn't enough for you, start kickboxing. Beating the hell out of people and having the crap kicked out of you in the safest way possible a few days a week will definitely do the trick. You will actually get in good shape doing this, a benefit to you, rather than Gary, who gets his kicks when his crazy chick calls the cops, which is never a good thing. Another option is to start a business. Starting a business, in some cases, is almost as good as a serious gambling addiction. It amazes me when people come to Las Vegas, look around at all the money all the casinos put into building these ridiculous tourist attractions and still think they're gonna win. Did all these people fail math in junior high school? You want to gamble, start a business. I speak from personal experience when I tell you that it's an emotional roller coaster ride, but at least the odds tip in your favor the more and longer you play.
0:09:03.0 DK: Part Two: The Roller Coaster Crashes. I took it upon myself one evening to put a beer in Gary's hand and have a bit of a sit-down conversation with him. I told him that if he did not get rid of his girlfriend, Melinda, something was gonna happen that would be irreversible. I explained to him that if he did not get away now, the day would come when he would not be able to get away from problems, and that's where our story picks back up with these two, the point of no return. One of the benefits of dating a crazy girl is that the crazier they are, the better they are in bed. This was something that Gary not only knew but enjoyed frequently. The biggest problem with Gary's enjoyment of this was that he enjoyed it without the use of a condom, not smart. Melinda's idea of birth control was abortion, and she had already had five of them with Gary.
0:10:05.0 DK: What had not occurred to him was this: what would result if the day came that she got pregnant and decided not to have an abortion? The day finally came when Gary decided he had had enough of Melinda. He told her they were finished and he was serious about it. What Gary did not know, however, was that by the time he told her this, she was pregnant again. So, what did Melinda decide to do to keep Gary in her life? Simple answer: don't have another abortion. Having his child would guarantee that he was in her life permanently. Gary having a child with Melinda would also guarantee that this child would turn out just as crazy as she is. The surprises that Gary had not considered just kept on getting better.
0:11:00.0 DK: So, what happened over the next nine months? Interesting things. I'll give you the highlights. Melinda, crazy as ever, and now with the added bonus of the out-of-control emotions that a pregnant woman has, ruined a perfectly good frying pan over Gary's head. I say "ruined" because afterwards, it was so dented that it was unusable. Gary got lucky with that, no permanent brain damage. Although considering the decisions this guy made, I question whether his brain ever did work correctly. When the police got there, they arrested Melinda and took her away in handcuffs, but when it came time for Gary to testify in court, he didn't for the sake of his unborn child. While all of this was happening, he was having sex with another girl, Aisha.
0:11:58.0 DK: You'll remember that I said Gary doesn't like having sex with condoms. You guessed it, Aisha gets pregnant also. Aisha's boyfriend was very upset when he got out of prison and found out about all this. So, this leaves Gary with a two-week-old son, another baby on the way from a different girl, and a guy who just got out of prison, looking for him. My advice to Gary was to sue for custody of his son, sever ties with Melinda, and learn how to use a fucking condom. Gary replied by saying, "Well, at least things can't get any worse." He was wrong about that also.
0:12:54.0 DK: After having their son, Melinda assures Gary that she's had a birth control implant put in and they continue to have unprotected sex. Within weeks, Melinda tells Gary that she's pregnant again. At three months pregnant, Melinda and Gary go to see a doctor for prenatal care. The doctor looks up at Gary and assures him that his girlfriend is doing fine for being six weeks pregnant. Gary looks at the doctor and says, "You mean three months pregnant, right?" The doctor assures Gary that he knows what he's talking about and no, in fact, Melinda is six weeks pregnant. Melinda's story is that she had a miscarriage, didn't even know it was a miscarriage and must have become pregnant again six weeks ago. This is the type of insanity that you just can't make up or believe actually happened either.
0:14:04.0 DK: Now, let's discuss what this has done to Gary financially at this point. With the new baby, formula to buy, and the never-ending supply of diapers needed, Gary found himself frequently short on cash. His solution was to continuously get car title loans to make ends meet. This worked for a while until the day that he could not make the high-interest payments and they took his car. So, how did Gary get to work every day? Melinda drove him every morning and picked him up every night, spending the whole time nagging him about how he needs to figure out how to buy a car. The irony was that Melinda wasn't working either. She was on unemployment and disability at the time.
0:15:00.0 DK: It's hilarious to me to know that a leech on the system like Melinda would continuously nag Gary about not making enough money. The moral to this part of the story is to be careful who you surround yourself with and always, always use a condom. At this point in his story, Gary called me for some advice finally. I simply said murder-suicide. He wasn't sure if I was kidding or not and I wasn't sure either. Part three: The Ride Never Ends. So, it's almost 12 years later from the first time I moved to Las Vegas and met Gary. At this point in our story, I'm living in Las Vegas for the second time now, having moved back for the cheap rent and low-cost buffets as I build a new business for a client.
0:16:00.0 DK: As with Hunter S. Thompson, there is something about Vegas that's an unavoidable magnet for people like us, the whores, the drugs, the fact that in a place as strange as this, we can feel normal. Anyways, I'm leaving the local weed store, already high, with about $500.00 of product in hand, and like a responsible recreational drug user, I'm using Uber. I jump into my Uber when my driver says, "Drawk? I think I know you." One of the biggest advantages and disadvantages of the name Drawk is that I'm the only person on the planet with this name. I know, I check Google every few months or so just to be sure. "That's me," I say, hoping that I didn't fuck his sister or his mom. The driver tells me, "I met you through Gary." Oh fuck, small world, I remember my Uber driver.
0:17:04.0 DK: The last time I saw him, he sold me ecstasy pills, at least he told me they were ecstasy pills, that turned out to be some new kind of untested psychedelic that kicked in while me and my friends were on top of Ghost Bar. This is a club on the top of Palms Casino, which is a high-rise hotel tower with a glass floor that overhangs the base of the hotel, basically the last place in the universe you would want to be to have new, untested psychedelics unexpectedly kick in. Anyway, I asked my Uber driver what became of Gary. He tells me that Melinda basically kidnapped their kids in the middle of the night and ran off, but she ran out of state to a town where people knew Gary so it didn't take long before Gary knew where to find her. So, what did Gary do? Turnabout is fair play; he kidnapped his kids back.
0:18:00.0 DK: The stupidity of this story more than 12 years after the beginning is more than I can handle. My Uber driver didn't have any info past this point, but I'm sure the authorities are involved, ass fucking both Gary and Melinda, while Child Protective Services are ensuring that their children are the next generation of prison inmates. Gary wasn't a bad guy, he just made a series of very bad decisions that we can all learn from. Don't fuck crazy without a condom. Yeah, that's it. That's the moral to the whole story. Jesus fuck.
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